This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
