Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
