Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
