dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
