so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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