i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
