I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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