i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
