He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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