I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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