forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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