the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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