I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
