Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize