my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize