Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
