I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
