We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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