would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
