i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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