Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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