arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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