Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
