Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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