if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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