you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
