Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
