y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My penis needs a shock collar
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
