Will you blow on my dice?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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