I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
