If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
