Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Randomize
