i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
