I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
