What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Found the puke drawer
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
