saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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