yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
