Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
