the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
