Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
