so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
