youre lurking in front of me
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
we're making bets on your personal life
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
