I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
