So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
