i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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