There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Randomize
