I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
