She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
