just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I touched a dick in church today
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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