I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
