she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize