I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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