Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
