If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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