Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
