I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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