I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
