i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
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