"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
