My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
