please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
