I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
