You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
