Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
