it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She even gives head with a lisp.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize