I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
