Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
