Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
