I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
