How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize