how can u be prego again
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
