He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
