vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
