matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
