Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
