I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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