if you like me you must not know who I am
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
time to smoke my breakfast
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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